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Of Crafts and Conversation:
Havdalah with a Personal Twist
by Rebecca E. Kotkin
By the time my twin daughters were five, I knew we would have a problem housing all the Judaic crafts we were accumulating. Each additional year of preschool yielded a new crop of art projects, and the competition was fierce. Whose challah cover would we use this Friday night? Why wouldn't we light the wooden Hanukkah menorah each night during the holiday? How many different seder plates could fit on our already crowded holiday table? When my son's work was added to the mix, it became overwhelming.
The children were all, rightly, proud of their work. They were learning so much about Jewish tradition and ritual and could identify the purpose and the Jewish values associated with each item. They wanted so much for their projects to be integrated into our family ritual. In this way, they could make their mark on our family traditions; they could stake a claim to a piece of that family history.
My husband and I were, initially, happy to oblige. We willingly packed up the challah cover, seder plates and kiddush (wine) cup we received as wedding presents and proceeded to integrate our children's masterpieces into our collection of precious Judaic objects. After all, tzedakakh (money for charity) collected in a coffee can was just as generous and valued as tzedakkah in the box brought back from Israel. If it made our children more connected to our tradition, more a part of the ritual, that was all that mattered.
It was when the children began to keep score that we had to make a change. Each child was convinced his or her challah cover had not been used in weeks. Everyone insisted that the most symmetrical menorah was their own work. From year to year, they claimed to remember whose turn it was to provide the apple and honey dish on Rosh Hashanah. We now had a total of about eleven kiddush cups, for the blessing over wine, and it was getting hard to choose. It is hardly a peaceful way to begin Shabbat or a holiday with a quarrel over whose religious items to use. We had to make a change.
My cousin suggested something that had worked as her children (now adults) passed through years of preschool and Hebrew School art projects. Rather than use each of their religious items, she set out a Judaic display. Like a museum, some items were displayed year round. These included all the Shabbat articles -- candlesticks, kiddush cup, challah board and cover, spice box. Other items, more seasonal in nature, were exhibited in the weeks surrounding the holiday that inspired them. An array of dreidels, menorahs, matzah covers and seder plates were enjoyed in this rotating fashion. Everyone shared the pride in the display, and peace was restored.
For the past several years, this has worked well for us. The children use a few of their pieces themselves, lighting their own personal menorah and wearing their own handmade kipot (head coverings or yarmulkes). Our holiday table has kept the charm that comes only from misshapen clay pieces. We are proud of what our children have learned and how they present it. Their smiles reveal their own feelings of belonging as they see their own Judaic ritual items as a centerpiece in our home.
The Conversation
The other solution to this problem is to encourage your children to make projects that are consumable. Handmade Havdalah candles are the perfect project. This candle is actually a three wick candle, usually made of separate wax braided together. The candle is burned for a brief time each week, so an individual candle will last for several turns and then a new one is needed. Every child can contribute to the family ritual.
Havdalah is the ceremony, performed late on Saturday, as the Sabbath ends, that separates Shabbat, the Sabbath, from the rest of the week. It is a multi-sensory experience. We drink wine (taste), and smell sweet spices so that the sweetness of Shabbat can linger into the days that follow; we sing songs (hearing) and watch the light of a braided candle (sight). It is a beautiful way to end Shabbat and prepare ourselves to begin the next week.
As you work on the candle, talk to your child about what makes Shabbat different from the other days. How do we welcome Shabbat and how do we say goodbye to it? What special things can your family share on Shabbat that they are too busy to enjoy during the week? If you have never celebrated Havdalah before, explain how this candle will be used as part of the service.
Talk about all the ritual objects that make your home a "Jewish" home. Identify, if you have them, the mezuzah on the door or the menorah in the china closet. Ask your child how he or she would like the Judaica displayed and what other pieces he or she would like to add to the collection. Together, you can set up a shelf or table where special occasion items can be enjoyed. In anticipation of an approaching holiday, together you can unpack the art work from years past, reminiscing with your child about how old he or she was when that particular piece was made. It is all a part of your Jewish family history.
This braided Havdalah candle is made from sheets of beeswax which may be bought individually or as part of a candle-making kit. Wicks can be purchased at a craft store or as part of a kit. If you put the finished candles in the freezer, they will burn longer.
The Craft‹A Braided Havdalah Candle
Materials,/I>
sheets of beeswax, different colors
wicks
scissors
Cut the beeswax into strips, approximately 8 inches by 2 inches. Cut the wicks into 8- inch pieces. You will need three strips of beeswax and three wicks for each candle.
Put a wick along the edge of the long side of a strip of beeswax so that the extra half inch of wick extends over the top of the wax. This will be the top of your candle. Fold the wax the long way over the wick so that the wick is "trapped" in the wax. Tightly roll the wax the long way so that you have a long, thin candle.
Repeat with the remaining two strips of wax and wicks.
Beeswax becomes more malleable from the heat in your hand. Put the bottoms of the three thin candles together and press the wax with your fingertips until it fuses together. Carefully braid the candles, using light pressure on the wax to repair the cracks that come as you twist the candles together.
Rebecca E. Kotkin is an attorney and the mother of twin daughters and a son.
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